I am settling more and more into learning about local nature, native plants and animal species, and sustainability. Always been interested in the outdoors around me – but now, now it seems imperative that I DO something about this love. Is this what 48 looks like? I like it. I have lived in this neighborhood for 20 years, and see many of my neighbors that moved here the same time – meaning they are probably my age – still indulging in fast cars, loud parties, blaring music…I wonder if they are still caught up in trying to stay 21? I wonder what personal fulfillment means for other people. This neighborhood is one of those “starter” neighborhoods. An old trailer park was sold, dissembled, and turned into a new neighborhood. We were newlyweds searching for our new home. We had our children here. Some of the families moved on to other places. But most of us are still here. In the
I bought a car yesterday
I am TERRIFIED of it. I started out looking at used cars on local sites like NextDoor, Craigslist, etc. Then I went looking at certified pre-owned. Then end of the season 2019 models. After 4 weeks of this madness. I drove over to a Kia dealership, found the PERFECT car for me. It is a model that works for my family, exact color I wanted, all the extra little bells and whistles that make a new car nice. It is the first NEW new car I have ever owned. Here is the list of cars I have owned: Cadillac Cimarron (lemon), Chevrolet Celebrity, Dodge Colt (lawsy, I HATED that one), Mazda B2200 pickup truck, Chevrolet Lumina, and my last beloved car – 2004 Honda Odyssey. It is so scary to own this new car. Why can’t I just enjoy my first new car? Because so many things can go wrong! I can wreck it. Some other idiot can run into
Discovery!
I am reading about “Health Promotion Model” in one of my RN-BSN classes. Idly, after reading this quote: “Research indicates that often the best predictor of behavior is the frequency of the same or a similar behavior in the past.”, I started co-relating it to my own habits. It made me think. I used to run 5K, 3x a week. What do I do now? Absolutely nothing. How long have I been out of the running? <—–yes, pun intended. About 4 years. 4 years. That is how long I have been a single mom. And the realization that I have gone from healthy, cardiovascular training to sitting on my butt in a leather recliner just hit me like the roll of belly fat I have been whining about for a year now. I have given up part of what I used to thoroughly enjoy as my “thing” in order to become both mom and dad for my children in this
Don’t wanna go to work tomorrow
I guess most of us are wishing we could stay home and write – or stay home and goof off. It’s 2240 and I’m binge watching The Office. My dog is lying here in front of the fire. I took a test tonight and passed with 95%. I would like to sit here in complete relaxation for at least two more hours…but the alarm clock will go off at 0540. The biggest yuck factor is that I work the next 3 days. For those that work 5 days a week that sounds so…. nice, right? Nah, I work 12 hour shifts at a hospital that is a 30 minute drive from the house. I am gone from 0600 to 2000, and usually spend at least one day off after a 3-in-a-row shift block sleeping. I know very few nurses that do not do the same. Bah. I need more money somehow. Let me go stick another 500 words onto my
Recipe bloggers
In 2006, when Ree Drummond started her Pioneer Woman blog, I was all gaga over the pics of every step, with comments and little stories thrown in. It was enchanting, and it worked well for her. She’s a bazillionaire now. For the rest of you, please stop. It is a new decade and there are a million copy-cat blogs – quite frankly, I now find it tedious looking for the recipe I am searching for. I want one recipe and one pic. I don’t want to scroll through pic after pic, and read story after story of why the brown sugar didn’t work but the toasted coconut sugar did. Stop. Just stop. The next time I google “star anise, green peas, rice”, I better get a dang recipe and not a soliloquy about your latest trip to India and a recipe down at the bottom of the page that doesn’t match what I want. Thank you. But that makes me
Dreams
I have considered myself a writer since I was very young. Yes, the dream was stifled in my teen years by the thoughtless student-teacher, but I have kept numerous journals and story starts here in my home. My children are all teenagers. I am a full-time nurse, single mother, with minimal assistance from the other party (who lives 900 miles away). I want to do so many things. So many dreams to explore. So far, I have managed to take the children on yearly beach vacations, and for the past 2 years, we have done smaller three-day weekends in the mountain range of our state. As the children get older and the support from the estranged gets smaller, I am finding it harder and harder to arrange for these trips. Yet these trips are the very thing we all look forward to – our THING. Therefore, my writing is now a public thing. This is my practice space, a way
Another writing assignment
First, let us analyze the assignment itself. For privacy, I will not actually post the actual assignment, but tell its requirements. We are required to interview an RN with MSN or higher degree with a preset list of questions. We are to take those questions and turn them into a 2-page, 500 word APA format essay. Under the “assignments” tab, we are given the rubric for the assignment. I used this same assignment instruction information for my last essay (the one I failed, remember?). Until I read the instructor’s comments in my failed paper, I used the posted assignment instructional document and the included rubric attached to that assignment. NOPE. The comment section of my failed paper informed me what the assignment requirements were, and that I should have read those in the announcements for that class, along with a sample paper that was a good representation for the assignment. So, I go the announcements page listed on my class
Just like stores all across America
My Christmas cactus has skipped Thanksgiving.
Successful day
So, I am participating in NaNoWriMo. It was actually a slow start, but the novel that has been living in my head is really starting to take off. This is the furthest a compulsive writing project has gone. Those characters in my head, how I love them! My hero, however, is still a grey smudge that hasn’t evolved yet. Who is he? I want him to be so many things: calm, steady, strong, solid, warm, fun, educated, open, chivalrous. Actually, I want him to be all of those things yet, I cannot seem to MAKE him be that. Where are his flaws? Currently, he still exists as a faceless entity in the book. Perhaps he will reveal himself when I bring him into the next chapter. He was at his wife’s funeral when the heroine arrived at his home. His wife died in childbirth, giving birth to twins. He will welcome her into his home as an employee taking care
Criticism
By golly, my ego has taken such a blast from this unseen professor who resides somewhere in this world. I have no idea from where she comes, where she goes, nor have I known any of her writings other than the assignments listed on the college website. I have never gotten such negative feedback on any of my writing – ever. I am 50/50 over this feedback. Half of it is helpful and the other half – does she smoke crack? Push on. Push on. All I could think of tonight as I was driving, was that one day, one day I will be a published author. Hopefully in multiples. And why on earth do I put so much store in what ONE person thinks? Won’t I get plenty of negative feedback in the form of publisher rejections and reader reviews? This is just my baby step.
Perfectionism
Is not a good quality to have as a long-distance learner. I am quite frustrated by the lack of live help when I require it. Therefore, it takes me two weeks to revise a two page paper – it is too hard to say all I need to say in 500 words! If I get dinged on APA format, then it takes me twice as long to make sure my APA references are spot on. If my introductory sentence is too dull, my next introductory sentence must be fantastic! Even so, the APA method is so labyrinth like in its detailed, nonsensical rules that I am sure I have made several mistakes. If I fail this revised attempt, should I stop writing? Or go back to my soul-mate, Joaquin Miller, who wrote this poem: For Those Who Fail by Joaquin Miller “All honor to him, who shall win the fight,”The world has cried for a thousand years,But to him who tries
Something I thought was neat
First off, this is about a death, so if it bothers you, don’t read. As a nurse, I see a lot of death, some peaceful, some horrifying. This is a story about a peaceful one. There was a patient that died recently, a restless soul that was not doing well due to multiple medical issues. That person’s gentle partner decided to change our care in the ICU to “comfort care”, which means we no longer attempt everything we can do to fix the problem (which can be very costly, invasive, and yes, many times cruel). Comfort care is keeping the patient clean, dry, warm, and to the best of our ability, free from pain and anxiety. This latter part is not always achievable, but we do try. This particular patient had had a rough prior week before coming our ICU, and we all did our very best to make things right. The gentle partner voiced appreciation for how considerate we
It takes me too long to write…
…and then I cram it all in in one night, and it is fabulous. Why do I work like this? Unfortunately, I only can create masterpieces like this when I am in school. The novel I am working on just sits there because it has no where to go until I finish it. Actually, my novel, as interested as I am in it. – is stuck. I love time travel romances, but the only ones that work in credibility are the paranormal type. I am not the paranormal type at all. My favorite author is Grace Livingston Hill, a Christian romance author whose works were mainly published in the 1920s and 30s. Now, how can I make this work? I want my heroine to go back into the past into post-revolutionary war America. Why? Because I want to go back into the past into post-revolutionary war America. If I were to do that, what sort of culture shock would I
Facebook life hack
You know how Facebook always shows ads related to the things you have either searched for or spoken about (or sometimes just THINK about?) Well, I have a life hack for you. Imagine this: you open your Facebook app to show your co-workers that naughty thing Sally-Sue did last week, and there in a big ole ad, all big, black and yellow, are suggested products for you depicting the same bedbug killing products that you Googled two days ago? Or maybe you were just looking at something boring like I was: refrigerators. My Facebook feed gave me refrigerators for WEEKS after that. Here is what you do. Pick anything you like that is pretty, nice, comforting. And Google it at least 5-6 times. I like to Google fine art paintings depicting landscapes. Now my Facebook ads are beautiful.
Germophobe at the state fair
This is probably the number one hardest day of the year for me. I am a germophobe and I admit it. Let me tell you all how much I know about you. As a nurse, I see things. Gross things. I see people pick their noses, pick the crud from their nails, and don’t wash their hands after using the restroom. I see the surprised look on people’s faces in the hospital when I hand them a soapy cloth after they use a bedside commode and suggest they wash their hands. 9 times out of 10 they use that cloth to wipe their face instead. I am handed grimy cell phones with thick films over the earpiece and asked to speak with the family member on the other end. I see the underwear that is worn. Ohhhh, don’t get me started on the underwear! Remember how your mama always told you to put on clean underwear before leaving the house?
Pearls before swine
Not that what I have to say is by any means a pearl. Or that the people I speak to are swine. But I need to learn to keep my mouth shut. The things I say seem to be making their rounds out of context and turned into things that are ugly. You see, I have a problem. I am a single mom that works out of town in the critical care unit 7a-7p. When I am not at work I devote all my time to my children, because they are all teenagers now and there isn’t much time left before they go off into the world on their own adventures! And of course, there is the BSN coursework that I have saddled myself with. So, when I get to work, there are adults there, adults my age! The majority of my co-workers are within 5 years of my age and I am just so thrilled that to be speaking
Writing
My ego is quite large I suppose, for I have always fancied myself as a great writer. I haven’t always kept up with it and yet, I find myself returning again and again to the written word. I remember 11th grade Advanced English class all too well. We had a student teacher that year, and she was excited and gung ho over teaching us. We had been analyzing “The Devil and Daniel Webster” by Steven Vincent Benét, and we were to write an essay inspired by this story. I was sheer excited! I had been writing my own little love stories and whatnots in an old notebook, but this, this- unlimited creative outlet wherein I would get some feedback! I couldn’t wait. Home I went, and got to work on my story. Mine was a Christian tale of soul vs. hell, and I was thrilled to share my new faith AND write a fictional tale that interwove the two. I
I reeeeeaaallly don’t want to start another fasting diet.
Maybe it’s time to invest in control top panties and just be me. I just hate to throw out an ENTIRE wardrobe of clothes to accommodate this new weight gain. Since I gained this 25 pounds all in one year I will need to be careful that this is not my new norm – 25 pounds per year. Its been a week of NOT fasting and my weight is holding on to 148 pounds. So perhaps with the limits I created, I can maintain at this level. All that aside, I am still seriously considering the 5:2 plan. As much as I don’t want to do it, I want to test it out and see what happens!
Limbo-fasting state
148 pounds this morning in case anyone cares. I think as long as I get rid of the muffin-top I won’t care what the actual weight is. I am no longer following the 16:8 intermittent fasting plan. I am still loosely following the 16:8 plan – I am cutting off all eating and calorie-laden drinking at 9 PM every night. However, I actually have purchased a bunch of lettuce, cauliflower, 15 cal/serving of Italian dressing, and stevia. I am getting ready to do the 5:2 plan! For those who don’t know what the 5:2 plan is, it is eating normally 5 days a week and only eating 500 calories 2 days a week. Now, I have carefully measured out my morning coffee and it is 150 calories. If I change the sugar to stevia 2 days a week, it will only be 80 calories per cup. A small head of iceberg lettuce is only 45 calories. mmmmm lettuce. Well, with
150.5 pounds. WHAT THE ACTUAL …
Through absolutely no cheating, messing up, overeating, NOTHING, my weight is now back to 150.5 pounds. Only one pound lighter than my start weight one month ago. I QUIT. How come all these intermittent fasters are posting such amazing results? Is this the “bloated stomach” that is spoken of? If so, then why after a MONTH of fasting? I HAD A CUP OF REAL COFFEE THIS MORNING TO MAKE ME FEEL BETTER ABOUT IT And guess what? I had a FANTASTIC day. So much energy and happiness. And yes, I was at work today! So, I will rethink this plan. Maybe the 5:2 intermittent plan. A small head of lettuce is only 45 calories…….
Still holding on to 147 pounds
I am going to switch to the 5:2 plan. At least that way I will get to drink some &^%$ coffee with cream and sugar in the mornings!!! Just to note, a lot of websites with intermittent weight loss bloggers are also doing major amounts of exercise with their diet. I wish for my readers to understand that I am still my lazy self, sitting in my recliner. Now to say that I am a couch potato is not exactly true – I do work 3-4 days a week, 12 hours shifts in a hospital as a nurse. I do a lot of walking all day long. I DO plan on getting back into running when my ankle that I injured in July finally heals. I am still wearing a brace. Probably should get that looked at…..
Day 22
Back to 147 pounds. Today is my son’s birthday, and my only day off this week. I am having a precious cup of coffee for breakfast – so, today, I broke my fast. I will resume tomorrow. I was hoping that once I got 5 pounds off that I would start to see an improvement on how my clothes fit, but they are still all muffin-top pants and shorts. I don’t even want to mention how I should not be wearing the little stretchy bralettes I have worn for the past several years. The 25 pounds I gained over the past year and a half has given me a little bit of VA-VA-VA-VOOM! As nice as they are, I really hope to go back to my braless in winter capability.
Day 21
I made it to 145.5! It’s making me feel so good to see that on the scale this morning. Of course, pessimism has set in and I don’t expect it to stick.
Days 14-19
My weight has hovered in between 147.5 and 149 pounds for all six days that I haven’t posted. I think my body has accepted the 4 pound loss and has established acceptance that this is my new lifestyle and weight. 4 pounds isn’t enough; my clothes are too tight. This morning I was 149 pounds. So, let’s talk about how to weigh. I do it at the same time every day (first thing after peeing) wearing the same outfit (nothing). This is how I instruct my patients to weigh themselves. If you choose to do it at night, that is fine – however, you must do it at the same time, wearing the same clothes (or nothing). A bathroom trip is first advised. I have to say I am getting very discouraged by this fasting plan. I am hungry and irritable all morning long and still DEARLY miss my morning coffee made the way I like it. I am giving
Day THIRTEEN
147 pounds this morning! I even feel like I look thinner, even though I am still sporting the same muffin top over my jeans. Perhaps it is all in my head. I went to Target today because this week you can get 20% of clothing with the Cartwheel app. I ended up getting this cute olive-green parka and an o-so-slim wine colored turtleneck. I guess they have skinny mirrors there because I looked GOOD in that parka. I kept looking and looking. My hair looked awful there though all gray on top and faded color on the bun. UGH, that will be another adventure to post. I am SO lazy with my hair!! But now that this fasting scheme is actually starting to work a little, my mind turns to how will I maintain once I have met my goal weight. Obviously I won’t want to keep losing weight, so adding back my delickity-licious morning coffee won’t be a big
Day TWELVE
148.5 pounds – hey, it’s below 150 OK just another weekend. Today is Sunday, so it is easier for me to fast because I am distracted by getting everyone to church. I have to admit though, that halfway through church I started meal planning in my head. You guessed it – FRIED BALOGNA SANDWICHES!! After hearing the announcer talk about them during the football game Friday night, I just couldn’t get them out of my head. I went straight home and fried up those babies, with cheese, lettuce, mustard and mayo, a cup of beautiful coffee with cream and sugar, and I cut up a russet potato and made oven fries! Soooo good. This fasting diet makes me crave food so bad. It is now 2130 and time to be done eating. Tomorrow is a day off at home so it will be hard for me to endure those alone hours without noshing on something. Good thing I have many
Day ELEVEN
147.5 pounds – WHAT!!! So, today’s story is NOT going to be a story of healthy eating. I am thrilled with the weight loss my scale showed me this morning, and honestly, I LOOK a teeny bit smaller. My clothes still don’t fit well though; I am wearing a pair of jeans that I had purchased a while back to accommodate my weight gain and I still sport that muffin top overhang. But whatever. So today, even though last night I stopped eating at 2230, I started today at 1400. Not too shabby! But, here is my confession: I was so incredibly hungry that I ordered two chili dogs with slaw and onion rings with Mountain Dew for lunch! I had a small snack of kettle corn and gatorade later, skipped dinner, and had a 6 ounce glass of red wine. Nothing nutritious about this day at all. The chili dogs were the bomb tho.
Day TEN
149.5 pounds. Humph. Scale must be broken. After all the food I ate yesterday?? Today the refrigerator comes! I figured out how to make black coffee a little more acceptable: I sprinkle a little cinnamon in it now. And I have cardamom seed pods that I can use to flavor it without calories. Just throw a seed pod in there and mmmmmm, deliciousness! So today is very easy to ignore hunger pains. I have to clean out the old fridge (which I have been putting off because it is full of this and that), pull it out, clean behind it, etc.. Well, once I got it out, I decided to repaint the trim all around and make it look clean and new back there. Then the HVAC guys came out to do my bi-yearly service, and after that, it was lunch time! I had a nice cup of coffee the way I like it and ran out to the optometrist
Day EIGHT
I didn’t even check my weight today. It is so discouraging and I want to quit. Today was beautiful at work. I only had one patient who slept most of the day. Ahhhhhh
Day SEVEN
151.5 pounds still. Another day off. My strategy here today is to sleep until it is time to eat. I am pretty much just going to goof off today. At lunch I went to the coffee shop and got a huge coffee with lots of cream and sugar and then went to Lowe’s Foods and got a hot chicken pot pie from the deli. And I purchased 3 apple bear claws. Damn, I’m hungry. I have to work the next two days.
Day SIX
151.5 pounds WHAT DID I DO TO DESERVE THIS? MY WEEKEND WAS A BUST! Back at work and it is busy as all get out. Same patients are here and they are all total care patients that need lots of care. Black coffee is getting easier to drink but it is definitely still not soothing and warm, like my milky sweet version. Lunch was interrupted again today as well. Very frustrating. Maybe my regaining of weight is because I do not have a working refrigerator and I keep buying fast food for me and the children. Or maybe it is because when I AM finally allowed to eat I am so hungry that I devour everything in my path. I am thinking about quitting this. I am suffering for NOTHING.
Day FIVE
149.5 pounds Headache still lurking. So hungry this AM and I’m miserable.
Day FOUR
148.5 pounds!!! So, today is Saturday, it’s my day off. I want to do my usual Saturday morning thing: have a snack in my chair, read my book, and goof off. This morning, however, I have a horrible headache, so after my cup of black coffee, I have another cup of hot black tea. I took a nap after this, and by 1300, my headache had become a migraine. I am thankful it is time to eat however, and in effort to clean out the freezer before the new refrigerator comes, I make a chicken pot pie and eat it. By the time 7pm had come around, my migraine had reached nausea level. Had already tried another cup of coffee, ibuprofen, then naproxen sodium, then finally gave up and had 25mg of Benadryl and went to bed. Useless day.
Day THREE
152 pounds. I didn’t just suffer two days to GAIN weight? Black coffee. So dull and pointless. But I must have the caffeine so I do not have caffeine withdrawl headache. Work today was horribly busy and I was unable to even have an afternoon break. Lunch was eaten partially before I was called back to the bedside to help a patient have a bowel movement. After that I just didn’t want anymore food, you know? *sigh* and yet, no one ever apologizes to the nurses for it. Three family members in the room that could have helped the patient…. Tomorrow is a day off!
Day TWO
Today is just OK. Drank my black coffee on the way to work. Work was steady busy so I didn’t miss breakfast other than becoming really hungry. My usual breakfast at work consists of a cup of grits, 1/2 cups of scrambled eggs and a slice of American cheese. I’m glad its busy. For lunch I went to the cafeteria drill and had a veggie quesadilla and it. was. amazing. Funny how being so hungry makes the food taste so much better! In the afternoon it slowed down enough at work for me to have a cup of coffee the way I like it. It was amazing, even though I usually HATE the coffee at work (Folgers.)
Day ONE
151.5 pounds. Weight last year at this time: 129 pounds Goal weight: 135 pounds First off, I am unhappy drinking my coffee black. I have been drinking the same cup of coffee for about 28 years now, and it has become my morning bliss: lots of half and half and two spoonfuls of sugar. It soothes me, gentles my soul, grounds me into being. In other words: I freaking love it! But since in the 16/8 plan you cannot have any calories until the eating window opens up, and I have to leave for work at 0600, black coffee it is. This same cup sans half and half and sugar is insipid and weak. It does NOTHING for my sense of well being, haha. Anyways, I drink it, because I am scared of the caffeine withdrawl headache that will occur if I don’t give my body that 0600 dose. It is doable. Thankfully this morning I had errands to run.
